The 1 Question You Should Never Ask Someone Who Isn't Drinking

Before she became a sober coach, Casey McGuire Davidson spent years working corporate jobs. Her weeknights were spent juggling office happy hours and girls’ night invites from her coworkers and friends.

When she cut back on her drinking, she’d often field questions and comments like “Aw, you’re not drinking?” or “Why aren’t you drinking?” when she passed up her usual red wine.

“I was always the one ready for a glass of wine, so when I stopped, I think it caught a lot of people off-guard,” said McGuire Davidson, who has been sober eight years now and hosts the podcast “The Hello Someday Podcast for Sober Curious Women.”

“Sometimes I would make an excuse, like I was not drinking because I was driving home or because I had an early workout, and my friends would pressure me to ‘just have one,’ ‘live a little’ or ‘have some fun,’” she said.

Unfortunately, those comments spoke to every insecurity McGuire Davidson had about not drinking: Was she only fun when she drank, and a total bore otherwise? Could she still be social without the social lubricant of a glass of cabernet? Was she ruining the night or letting others down by not participating?

“If you’re not drinking because you’re on a sobriety journey and early in the process, all you want to do is fly under the radar,” she told HuffPost. “So the worst thing someone can do is make you feel guilty about not drinking, pressure you to drink or ask you why you’re choosing not to drink.”

At first, McGuire Davidson felt the need to over-explain herself, as if she needed to justify her health decision. But over time, she realized that her choice wasn’t something she owed anyone an explanation for, even her nearest and dearest.

“It’s not about them ― it’s about what’s best for