You're Probably 'Fexting' In Your Relationship. Is it Healthy Or Not?

Presidential couples: They’re just like us! They fight over text, too.

In a 2022 interview with Harper’s Bazaar,first lady Jill Biden revealed that she and President Joe Biden have conducted the occasional argument over text messages to avoid fighting in front of the Secret Service. (They dubbed the habit “fexting.”)

It makes sense why couples — first couples included — take their tiffs to texts, according to Cindy Shu , a marriage and family therapist in San Francisco who works with her fair share of fexters.

“With texts, my clients say they have the ability to maintain a level of connection while still having the space to thoughtfully express themselves,” she told HuffPost. “Plus, when you’re ‘fexting,’ you don’t have the pressure of having to resolve conflict on the spot.”

For some people — introverts, especially — fexting offers a way to think through their arguments rather than stumbling through, shutting down or exploding, said Lia Huynh , a marriage and family therapist in Milpitas, California, whose clients also fext.

“The other pro is that it allows someone to calm down before responding,” Huynh told HuffPost.

“I often advise my clients to hold off on responding to their partner if they receive an angry text,” she explained. “Go take a walk, take some deep breaths, then respond. You don’t have this luxury when you are in the heat of the moment.”

Couples with kids might turn to fexting to avoid arguing in front of them. Friends and family members often fext, too.

“Surprisingly, a lot of the arguments would be between close friends or family members, compared to romantic partners,” said Mizi Samuels-Waithe, an associate marriage and family therapist at Wellspace SF . “This is often because some of my