You Just Found Out Your Teen Is Having Sex. Now What?

Recently, I got a call from a friend of mine. She had seen messages on her daughter’s phone revealing that the teen was hooking up with a boy from school, and my friend wanted some advice.

I’m a health and sexuality educator (and a mom of three), so I get calls like this from time to time.

In this case, my friend was worried about a few things. She was worried about her daughter’s physical and emotional experience. She was worried about the fact that she had never before heard of this boy. And she was worried about bringing the issue up since she had been secretly looking at her child’s phone.

I suggested that, first off, she just own up to the snooping. Kids deserve privacy, but if a parent wants to maintain trust and open communication going forward, it’s crucial to acknowledge that they checked their child’s device and let them be angry about the boundary breach.

But what about my friend’s other concerns? There’s a lot of noise about teen sex, so separating the facts from the fictions can be helpful for any parent who is navigating this terrain.

The Big Picture

Despite what a lot of people think, teens are generally less sexually active than they were before the COVID-19 pandemic. And they are certainly having less sex than teens were when most of us parents attended high school.

The decline in teen sexual activity has been identified since at least the ’90s. Recent years have seen various factors contributing to this trend. The rise of technology serving both as entertainment and a social outlet has played a significant role. Additionally, the enduring effects of COVID-19 lockdowns have led to an overall decrease in in-person interactions among friends. Economic concernshave also emerged as a factor,