This Common Bedtime Habit Might Be Killing Your Relationship

The bed is a sacred space. A place where you sleep, where the proverbial magic happens (we’re always thinking of you, “MTV Cribs”) and where you languidly bed rot for most of the weekend. It should not be a place where you and your partner ignore each other in favor of staring at your phones.

If you’ve done this, experts say you’re “parallel scrolling.”

Parallel scrolling is like “phubbing,” a term that got quite a bit of coverage from publications (including this one) a few years ago. Phubbing, a combination of the words phone and snubbing, is when someone is ignoring you and paying more attention to their mobile device. With parallel scrolling, you’re phubbing each other — and clearly, it’s not as sexy as it sounds.

Phubbing and parallel scrolling are pernicious problems for many couples. In a 2017 Baylor University study of 143 people in romantic relationships, 70% of participants said that cell phones “sometimes,” “often,” “very often” or “all the time” interfered in their interactions with their partners.

Tracy Ross, a couples and family therapist in New York City, said it’s hard to think of a couple who doesn’t consider their phones an unwanted third party in their relationship.

“Many of the couples I work with complain that their partner is constantly on their phone, distracted, and that it’s hard to get their attention,” she said. “While the need to unwind at the end of the day is completely understandable, it’s hard to deny the damage it can do to a relationship.”

Being on your phone is putting focus and energy elsewhere, and for many busy couples, there are so few times to connect without distractions. Bedtime is one of them, so this is a squandered opportunity, Ross said.

“Parallel scrolling ― or just