Real Couples Get Candid About Their Sometimes-Sexless Marriages

Sexless marriages are often shrouded in secrecy and shame, but many long-term couples will experience a sexual dry spell at some point in their relationship.

Shannon Chavez, a psychologist and sex therapist in Beverly Hills, told HuffPost that it is “more common than not” for couples to encounter a period of sexlessness.

“Couples rarely communicate about these changes and instead make assumptions about what a partner should intuit without having to be vulnerable by sharing inner thoughts and feelings,” she said. “We have to be open to ebbs and flows in sexual desire and normalize it so dry spells aren’t so taboo.”

Many factors can affect a person’s libido ― stress, certain medications, having kids and health issues, to name a few. And yes, there are couples in which both partners are perfectly happy with little to no sexual activity. But for people who do value physical intimacy, the feelings of loneliness and rejection that often accompany a sexless relationship can be painful.

“Being sexless can cause distress and make you feel disconnected from your partner and hungry for touch and affection,” Chavez told HuffPost. “Sex is an important part of overall health and wellbeing.”

We asked real couples who have gone through a sexless period in their own relationships to open up about what caused the disconnect, how it made them feel and how they got back on track. Read on to find out what they had to say.

Note: Responses have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity. The last names of some respondents have been withheld to protect their privacy.

Neil, 47, married 15 years

It was after a difficult pregnancy that required a premature C-section that our sex life tanked. We had a very colicky baby, my wife did not