People Who Have Good Relationships With Their Parents Seem To Have This In Common

A few summers ago I was on vacation with my children in Minnesota. It was early evening, and I needed a way to occupy them for a couple of hours in order to make it to the end of what felt like a very long day. I was tired, and my fuse was short. I had them put on their bathing suits, and we piled into the car, heading to what someone had recommended as a perfect swimming spot in one of the 10,000 lakes surrounding us. In the wilderness, my GPS was less than helpful. I turned down one gravelly dirt road after another, finding private homes and campsites but no public lake access. My frustration grew. I muttered under my breath and swore out loud.

Turning the car around, yet again, I opened my mouth to make another angry sound — but then I caught my kids’ eyes in the rearview mirror. There was fear in them. They were visibly worried that if we didn’t find this lake, I was going to — well, I don’t know what they thought I would do, but it was definitely something scary.

I was at a total loss, and I gripped the sides of the wheel and said, “I’m going to blow!” Then I shook my head around wildly and yelled “Ahhhhh!” on and on, turning it into a sort of rage-y yodel. Think Animal from the Muppets. My kids fell silent. Their eyes grew wide with surprise, mouths dangling open — then my son’s lips shifted into a smile. He started laughing, with his little sister immediately following suit. Soon, they were cracking up.

When I ran out of air to continue my performance, they shouted, “Again! Again!”

I wasn’t quite sure what I’d done, but was relieved that I’d managed to make it through the moment without turning into the bad guy.

Humor can be an effective way to defuse a tense situation, of which parenting offers plenty. Yet for