'Not My Kids': Columbia Dad Sets His Limit For Campus Protests In 'SNL' Cold Open

A father of a Columbia University student (played by Kenan Thompson) couldn’t be more pleased with the youth amid protests against Israel’s war in Gaza but had one notable request during the “Saturday Night Live” cold open.

Spectrum News NY1 host Ryan Abernathy (played by Michael Longfellow) spoke with college students’ parents about the protests that have led to hundreds of arrests around the country as students call for divestments from companies linked to Israel.

Thompson, who played Alphonse Roberts on the mock NY1 program, told the host that nothing makes him “prouder than young people using their voices to fight for what they believe in.”

“Alphonse, your daughter must feel so supportive when she’s out there,” replied Longfellow.

“What’s that now?” asked Thompson. “When whose daughter is out there?”

“At the protest,” Longfellow added.

“No, no, no, no, man, you buggin’. Alexis Vanessa Roberts better have her butt in class,” Thompson said.

“Let me find out she in one of them damn tents instead of the dorm room that I pay for.”

Thompson added that he’s in favor of “y’all’s kids protesting, not my kids.”

He later remarked that he wasn’t worried about “five-o” on campus and said it isn’t any of his business.

“She ain’t talkin’ ’bout no free this, free that. ’Cause I tell you what ain’t free: Columbia.”

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