My Twin Sister Died 7 Years Ago. I Didn't Expect My Grief To Change Like This — But It Did.

Seven years gone feels like both a blink and forever… but is neither. It is this strange middle ground where the grief isn’t new, and it also isn’t long, so it sort of settles in, just beneath the surface.

My identical twin sister died almost seven years ago, just hours after she gave birth to a beautiful, healthy son. Losing Jenny, at age 37, was nothing she or I had prepared for, in the way that none of us want to imagine we will one day (or already do) live without someone we love most.

What do you do when the person who is your first call when anything happens, is the one person you can’t call when the worst does?

But darn those grief experts. Everything I read years ago assured that as time passes you grow around your grief, and it starts to feel less profound. At the time, I whole-heartedly rejected this sentiment because it took away from missing her. In absolutely no way would I ever feel any differently than I did the day Jenny died.

And yet, I do.

The acuteness and shock of her death has worn off. That part is true. The immediate deluge of people offering their love and support, who show up when you initially have a loss, have mostly retreated to their own lives. And that’s OK. Her death is no longer recent. It didn’t just happen. It’s not on the tip of my tongue, or anyone else’s, when I run into them at Starbucks. I don’t cry every time I tell her story. Honestly, her name comes up less often around the dinner table. If you don’t know me well, you may not even know what happened.

But it happened. She is on my mind as much as always, even if I don’t speak it out loud. The impact she made on all who knew her remains and is even more treasured. The heartache hasn’t diminished at all, but it is true that I