My Husband Is Absolutely No Help When My Kid Is Sick — And That Needs To Change

This year, respiratory illnesses are on the rise, and our family has added to that count more than once. Well, most of our family.

You see, I’m sick in bed — because my kid has coughed, sneezed and, oh yeah, vomited all over me. But my husband is completely fine, living his best healthy life out in the world, trying to locate his phone and food in the fridge.

When our kid is sick, my husband’s parenting “fight or flight” response kicks in, and his usual can-do attitude vanishes, along with our much-needed stash of tissues.

“Honey, can you get us a cold cloth?” I text my partner. My son’s fever is high, and my little guy has asked me to stay with him because his head hurts. After reading my husband’s response, I immediately reconsider the request.

Maybe I should ask my mom (who lives 15 minutes away) to bring us a washcloth. I wouldn’t need to text her detailed instructions on how to make a cold cloth. Texting my partner with one hand, I comfort my crying son with the other.

The sleep-deprived knot in my stomach won’t let me ignore the truth: I wish parenting felt more equal. Why isn’t taking care of our son when he’s sick more balanced between us?

Slate reported that 74% of moms (versus 40% of dads) stay home when their kids get sick. Julie Spears , a licensed clinical social worker, told HuffPost that for many heteronormative couples, a “she-fault” situation can occur in the parenting dynamic.

“Women are typically expected to be caregivers,” Spears said. Historically, girls have been expected to be caring and empathetic, gender socialization theorists say, while boys have typically been taught to inhibit these kinds of prosocial behaviors. Connecting these caregiving dots, we see how gender beliefs form in