If You Were Called 'Mature For Your Age' As A Kid, You Need To Read This

Most of us have made a comment at one time or another without thinking much about its impact ― especially when it comes to kids.

Case in point: It’s fairly common for adults to tell well-behaved children they’re “mature for their age.” And while the phrase itself isn’t harmful, the message can sometimes carry a deeper and more complicated meaning, according to therapists.

“I think it is generally intended as a compliment,” said Justin Vafa William, a licensed clinical social worker based in Philadelphia. But “despite that intention, it does have the potential to be damaging.”

For some kids, being told they’re mature for their age ends there. There’s nothing more to it — it doesn’t manifest in distressing ways or follow them into adulthood. But for others, it could signal that something potentially damaging was going on.

Here’s what therapists want you to know if you were told you were mature for your age:

Being ‘mature for your age’ could mean you were parentified.

“I think it can be particularly damaging if viewing this child through the lens of how mature they are contributes to the parentification of the child,” William said.

Parentification is when a child takes on parental responsibility for their parents or siblings, whether physically, emotionally or mentally. This can look like taking on household responsibilities that an adult would typically take care of (like paying bills, making meals or grocery shopping), or caregiving for your parent or younger sibling, according to William.

It could mean you had to grow up quickly.

Being told you’re mature for your age could be a sign that you had to grow up faster than you should have, said Maggie Lancioni, a licensed professional counselor based in New Jersey.

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