I Was Forced Into An Arranged Marriage At 18. Then I Found A Chat Room That Promised Escape — For A Price.

My wife cooked a kosher meal, and I am dropping it off at the hospital. Meet you at the parking lot off Exit 43?

Yes, I responded. I’ll be there.

It was late winter, and Motty was the fourth man I’d met in person over the last few months — out of the dozens I’d chatted with since the fall — in an online chatroom while still in my Hasidic marriage.

Now, Motty’s breath felt heavy on my face as he leaned over me, his thin body pressing against mine. I froze against the seat.

I was terrified.

We were in the back seat of his gray minivan at the far end of a dark parking lot. His pants were pulled down enough to expose himself, but not low enough that we would get in trouble if the police arrived.

I felt his thin fingers claw under my skirt and lift my panties as he groped me.

“Stop it,” I said, barely above a whisper. “Stop it now.”

He edged himself off and slumped down, breathing heavily, just inches from me. He then grabbed a bunch of tissues from the front seat, and I saw the rectangular-shaped food container wrapped in silver foil, labeled simply: “ Mount Sinai, 3rd floor. ”

I quickly turned away.

“I need to go. I need to get to my kids,” I said.

I thought meeting with him would make me feel good, but instead I was both terrified and disgusted.

I was done.

***

At the age of 40, I’d asked for a divorce. My husband told me that if I left, I would never see our children. When my oldest son, the second of my 10 children, threatened that I wouldn’t be invited to his wedding if I left his father, I knew that my husband was serious about keeping the children from me.

I was trapped in a marriage I had never chosen.

I had gotten a laptop when I began college but only gained full internet access in the fall of 2013