I Lost 15,000 Friends In 5 Seconds

The week of the recent global computer outage, my cyber world also crashed. “Your Facebook account was suspended because your Instagram account doantantao57444 doesn’t follow our rules,” the notice on my iPhone blared. “You have 180 days left to appeal. Log into your linked Instagram account to appeal our decision.”

What? Who? But I had a new book and class I needed to promote! I went to my Instagram “account center,” and when I clicked on “profiles,” it showed that along with my Insta and Facebook memberships, there was a new address — doantantao57444 — listed. That account, which featured pornography, certainly wasn’t mine. Freaked out, I deleted The Porn Hacker, as I came to call it, from my profiles, but it didn’t matter. Meta, Facebook’s parent company, still suspended my Facebook accounts.

Decades of curated profiles and professional content instantly disappeared into the ether. I was the type who double-locked the door and never lost my keys, phone, a single text or email. How could I have misplaced 15,000 friends in five seconds?

Using Facebook’s “Help and Support” tab, I insisted that The Porn Hacker’s account wasn’t mine. Meanwhile, my pupil Orlando reported to me that the page for the beloved student group I led eerily remained without me as its administrator. Orlando, who was still an active member, posted the event fliers I emailed him, but I was completely locked out of my own clique.

If your body broke down, you’d rush to a doctor at urgent care. If your car was in disrepair, you’d see a mechanic at the auto shop. Since my Facebook presence had fallen apart, I went right to the source: CEO Mark Zuckerberg. I messaged him on social media: “My Facebook account was hacked by a fake Instagram account and my