I Had My Daughter At 16. I Was Shocked By These Things People Felt Comfortable Saying To Me.

“You look way too young to have a child that age!” This is the comment I get every time I share how old my daughter is. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are being complimentary, but every time it happens, I feel a pit in my stomach.

My responses change depending on the tone of the comment. They vary from matter-of-fact to sarcastic and snide.

“Tell me about your teen sex life first.”

“I have a good moisturizing routine.”

Sometimes I’ll do a “Mean Girls”-style, “I’m a cool mom.”

Other times, I simply don’t have the energy to respond at all. The truth is that I am too young to have a child that age. I was groomed by an adult man and became a mom when I was 16 years old.

When I was young, I thought I was cool because an older guy liked me. I was caught up in a romanticized idea that this man thought I was “mature for my age.” I know now that I was extremely immature at that time, and didn’t know what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. When the emotional and physical abuse began, I had a feeling in my gut that I would be the one who would be judged for it.

Eventually, I had a pretty strong idea that I was pregnant, but I believed that if I ignored it, it couldn’t be real. Finally, I told my therapist about it. She facilitated a conversation with my parents, and in an instant, my world was upside down. That was the moment that solidified my shame into something tangible and real. I couldn’t ignore any of it any longer.

It’s common among pregnant people to have to navigate unsolicited opinions and advice from strangers. Being pregnant as a child also invites that behavior, but the overall tone takes a sharp turn toward shaming and judgment. When I was pregnant with my daughter,