I Had A Traumatic Birth Experience. Here's What I Wish I Had Known.

Throughout my pregnancy, I fantasized about the “golden hour” — the first hour after birth — that I’d share with my baby when he arrived. I pictured myself smelling his head, stroking his tiny back and whispering “Happy birthday” and “I love you” as I gently encouraged him to latch and begin breastfeeding.

But because I spiked a fever during labor, hospital policy required my son to go directly to the NICU for a precautionary stay where they’d monitor him for signs of infection. Instead of a golden hour, I got just a few precious minutes before a nurse pried his little fingers from my hospital gown and whisked him away.

That was just one moment among many that added up to a traumatic birth experience. There was the nurse who tied the band of a fetal heart-rate monitor so tightly around my belly I could barely breathe. Another rolled her eyes and tossed a barf bag at me when I pleaded with her to raise the head of my bed before I threw up. Then there was the NICU nurse who grabbed my baby from me and force-fed him a bottle of formula because I wasn’t “doing it right.” I was devastated by all of it.

I’m far from alone when it comes to birth trauma. Some estimates suggest up to 44% of birthing people experience trauma during childbirth, including physical or psychological injury and serious health complications. That can lead to relationship issues, disrupt the joy of having a baby, impact future family-planning decisions and cause long-term mental health concerns. All of that was certainly true for me.

Maya Jackson, the founder and executive director of Mobilizing African American Mothers through Empowerment, a pregnancy and birth services organization that Jackson said has served over 700 families since its founding in