I Became Friends With A White Woman. Then 1 Cringeworthy Conversation Changed Our Relationship Forever.

Kim (not her real name) and I bonded when our sons played on the same travel basketball team. For years, we spent weekend after weekend together in loud, testosterone-filled gyms, rife with the smell of boy sweat and breakfast sandwiches. We always sat in the same place on the unforgiving bleachers, midway up in the center, and picked up our conversation from where we left off at the previous practice or game. Sometimes we lightly trashed the coaches, chastising them for how they ignored our respective son’s potential and didn’t give them enough playing time. But mainly we gossiped about the other parents (quietly and sometimes in code).

And when we were out of earshot, we discussed our love lives: new relationships (hers) and divorces (mine). Kim had dated several men, but she seemed to be smitten with this latest one, a single dad and a former University of Iowa college basketball player.

I saw Evan for the first time when he showed up at practice to bring her wallet. I grinned when she leaped up and shrieked at the sight of his 6-foot-something frame filling the gym’s doorway. She was so tiny next to him that they reminded me of Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen, if they were both blond.

To me, Kim was the only thing that made those practices bearable. So when she missed two in a row, I called her in a panic.

“I’m Evan’s plus one at a wedding in San Jose!” She was yelling over Montell Jordan’s “This Is How We Do It.” “Sorry, didn’t I tell you? Anyway, I’ll be back in time for tomorrow’s practice. I can’t wait to process everything with you.”

Process?

When Kim arrived the following day, I felt my shoulders relax as she sat next to me. Another mom had been vying for Kim’s spot and I didn’t know how much longer I