I Barely Escaped My Abusive Marriage. If JD Vance Had His Way, I'd Still Be Trapped There.

On the morning of our divorce, my husband was not fazed one bit. In typical “steamroller” fashion — the term I used for his belief that he could always manipulate his way into getting what he wanted — he accosted me as I walked toward the courtroom doors.

“You don’t have to do this, hon,” he pleaded, like a last-ditch love scene out of a rom-com. But this time I didn’t fall for it.

“Yes, I do,” I replied coldly. “And I will.” Then, I strode into the courtroom and finalized our divorce.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t give him a second chance — I had. He’d actually gotten a second, third, fourth and more, because it takes the average abuse victim seven tries before they leave for good. It’s part of the “cycle of abuse”: when perpetrators are so bent on power and control, they’ll pull out all the stops to woo you back every time you try to flee. Trust me, they can be very convincing.

One time, my ex whisked me off to a luxury hotel and presented me with a 10-page document detailing how he was going to change. Another time, he begged me to go back to marriage counseling with a new professional (our fourth). And then there was the time he withdrew all the money from our joint bank account, leaving me trapped. I’ll never forget that moment when the bank teller printed the statement to prove it. “I’m sorry, ma’am, the balance is zero,” she said as the room spun, and I thought I might pass out.

My therapist urged me to go, one marriage counselor broke with protocol and privately warned me about staying any longer, and my divorce attorney sent me directly to the local abused women’s shelter. But for victims, it takes resources like money, a place to stay, safety for your children and a support network to make what often