How to Get Through the School Year as a Trans Parent

There aren’t many parents like me in the world. I’m a transgender woman, and I’m so lucky to be able to watch this small human, who is the embodiment of the love my partner and I share, grow up. Getting to be a parent is, by far, my greatest accomplishment.

But it’s also a lonely journey. I’m a rarity, so I’m often seen as an oddity. Because of this, I’ve always dreaded my child becoming old enough to go to school. Around the country, schools have been unfair, even cruel, to transgender people. Both transgender students and parents have been under attack, and even my hyper-liberal New York City school district is not immune to that.

But we will persist, not just for ourselves but so we can be completely and wholeheartedly present for our kids. And because we need each other’s support, here is my advice to other transgender parents and their supportive allies for getting through the school year.

Be prepared for questions (and answer them authentically).

In my neighborhood, people either know me as Lara or as “Maddy” (a mash-up of mommy plus daddy). Maddy is the name I wanted my child to associate me with since they were born. As a trans person, I’m not limited by the gender hang-ups that many other parents have, and this name was part of my path to expressing that openness to my child and everyone else.

In my kid’s school, the name caught on quick. Anytime I would take them to the park or visit the school, I’d hear cheers of “Maddy! Maddy is here!” It made me feel like a celebrity with thousands of tiny fans.

Every once in a while it would get complicated. One day I overheard one of the kids at the playground misgender me to my child. “Your Maddy is a daddy,” she said. I immediately began to move through my feelings