GREG GUTFELD: Most of us have eclipse sickness year-round, except we call it Joe Biden's America

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Happy Monday, everybody. So as you've probably already heard earlier today, the big solar eclipse took place. It hit Washington D.C. at 3:30, interrupting Joe Biden's dinner. Nancy Pelosi also watched the eclipse, but she had no choice. She hasn't been able to close your eyes since 2004. During the eclipse, it was so dark in Manhattan that New Yorkers had to announce when they gave each other the finger. True, it was so black outside New Yorkers had no idea who they were urinating on. According to the New York Post, many people reported eclipse sickness-- plagued by weird feelings, headaches and insomnia. Well, you should be so lucky. Most of us have eclipse sickness year round, except we call it Joe Biden's America.

By the way, I actually got a picture of the eclipse on my smartphone. Here it is now. Not that one. This one. Take a look. Yeah. It's amazing, don't you think? You think maybe I took a picture of my pocket, but no, that's the actual eclipse. All right, enough of that crap.

A Kentucky man has admitted to faking his own death to avoid paying over a hundred grand in child support. Man, was his sister pissed. I agree. This weekend, Hamas supporters in Michigan chanted, "Death to America!" Meanwhile, Michigan supporters in Gaza chanted, "Go Wolverines!"

A new report claims that Turkey is the most promiscuous country in the world, with the average person having slept with 14 people, beating America by four partners. I tried my best, said one man. The U.S. placed 13th on the list and would have placed as high as second, but Madonna was not included in the study. True, researchers say the average American has slept with about 10 people. Wow. Still waiting for my