'Family Is Everything' And Other Societal Beliefs That Are Actually Harmful

If you’ve ever heard (or said) statements like “Don’t get divorced, just stick out your marriage” or “Put other people’s needs before yours,” you’ve likely come face-to-face with societal expectations and beliefs.

They exist to keep society in line, said Aparna Sagaram, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Space to Reflect in Philadelphia. “I think it’s sort of a way to create that homogeny.”

Though certain societal expectations are right for some people, they could not be more wrong for others — like if you’re in an unhappy marriage but refuse to get divorced. When you follow societal beliefs that aren’t right for you, they can actually get in the way of your contentment and put you in damaging situations.

There are many societal beliefs that get in the way of your contentment, therapists say. Below are some common ones.

‘Happiness should be your goal.’

Happiness is a common goal, albeit a nebulous one, for many people. But experts say happiness should not be the prize.

“People are always trying to achieve happiness, and I don’t think it’s an attainable goal. The goal shouldn’t be happiness, because happiness is like every other emotion — you feel it, and then it goes away,” Sagaram said.

You should aim to be content, calm or emotionally regulated “so that you can feel those moments of excitement and you can also feel those moments of frustration and anger without it throwing you into a spiral,” Sagaram added.

Happiness as a goal is a belief that society puts on us and even tells us that certain things, whether a new relationship, kids or a high-paying job, will make us happy — but that doesn’t tend to be the case.

This is known as the destination trap, Sagaram said. “Basically what it means is we