'Aftercare' Is The BDSM Practice We Should Use For Vanilla Sex, Too

When sex is over, does your partner just roll over, reach for their phone and zone out? Maybe they doze off right away while you lie there, wide awake, looking for connection. Perhaps they’re the kind of person who finishes, gathers their things and heads straight for the door. If any of this sounds familiar, you could probably use some aftercare in your sex life.

In the world of BDSM, aftercare is a post-play ritual in which partners exchange physical or emotional comfort following an intense sexual experience. And it’s high time we make it a standard part of vanilla (i.e. non-kinky, conventional) sex, too.

Aftercare might involve offering your partner a snack or something to drink, cuddling with them, giving them a compliment, having a good conversation, watching a movie or tending to any minor injuries sustained during the BDSM “scene” (that is, the time in which two or more partners are participating in agreed-upon BDSM activities). You might also talk about what you each enjoyed — or didn’t — about the experience. What you choose to include in your aftercare practice may vary depending on your individual preferences.

This kind of nurturing helps both partners gently come down from the heady neurochemical high of the BDSM scene, and avoid the low emotional state known as “drop” in kink circles.

“BDSM play is inherently risky, whether physically or emotionally,” sex educator Kenneth Play, creator of the “Sex Hacker Pro” series, told HuffPost. “It involves a higher level of vulnerability and trust than normal sex.”

“Taking care of someone after this is an act of protection and care, helping them ease back into normal consciousness,” he said.

Even folks who engage in regular ol’ vanilla sex can benefit from the