8 Things You Should Never, Ever Say To A Teenager

If you have teens in the house, engaging them in conversation can be a real challenge. First, there are those ever-present headphones. Are they on? Are they off? Do your words reach them as the wah-wah trombone sounds of the Charlie Brown teacher? Are you just silently, futilely flapping your lips?

As for a response, if you get one, it’s likely to be an eye roll, an unintelligible grunt or a sharp takedown. I find that whenever I try to bring up the topic of feelings, I’m quickly accused of sounding “like a therapist” or being “so cringe.”

If you (and your bruised ego) can survive these initial obstacles, however, the rewards of talking to your teen are well worth the struggle. You’ll get to know what’s on their mind and how they’re experiencing the world while strengthening the connection between the two of you.

But to keep the conversation going and improve the odds that they’ll want to talk to you in the future, there are some pitfalls you’ll want to avoid. HuffPost asked a number of professionals who work with families and children what things you shouldn’t say to a teen.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

Something that seems minor to you may feel significant to your teen. This phrase can “trivialize what a teen feels,” parenting coach Traci Baxley told HuffPost.

It might “make them feel misunderstood or dismissed, potentially leading them to believe that their feelings are overblown or unwelcome,” she continued. It may also discourage a teen from coming to you in the future.

As an alternative, Baxley suggested, you could say: “I can see this is really important to you. Let’s talk about what’s going on.”

“Why can’t you be more like [sibling/friend]?”

These kinds of comparisons are hurtful at any age. Society will