12 Questions People In Polyamorous Relationships Are Sick Of Hearing

People who practice polyamory understand the world’s curiosity: Loving more than one person at one time isn’t entirely conventional. Most people have a lot of questions about what it’s like.

Still, there are more tactful ways to learn about someone’s personal life, especially if you’re asking questions about what happens in the bedroom.

Below, polyamorous men and women share 12 questions they get asked all too often.

1. Isn’t that sort of like cheating?

“More than any other question, this one makes laugh because polyamory is actually the opposite of cheating. The only thing we have in common with cheaters is the capacity to love more than one person at a time, but by definition, polyamory is about informed consent with everyone involved. The fundamental premise of our lifestyle is honesty, communication and decidedly not sneaking around and lying to people you love!” ― KamalaDevi McClure, who’s been in an open marriage with her husband Michael for 16 years. McClure been with her girlfriend Roxanne for seven years.

2. How do you do it? I’m way too in love to do that.

“I’ve heard every version of this and despite my big heart, it always makes me want to punch someone in the face. The condescension and self-righteousness are almost more than I can break down, but consider this: Polyamory is not a compromise we make because we have lower standards; it’s a preference — some even consider it an orientation. Doing it right cultivates an intense depth of intimacy. Just like choosing to be exclusive, we’re just growing closer through different experiences. You may prefer cross-country skiing, but that doesn’t mean everyone who snowboards is settling.” ― Zaeli Kane, who runs the YouTube series The Commotion: A Divine (Romantic)