4 Condescending Phrases People Say At Work Without Realizing It

Too many of us hear insulting offhand comments that hurt our feelings at work.

According to a new Lean In and McKinsey report out this month, most employees believe there has been no progress on how companies handle microaggressions, or the everyday slights that can affect an employee’s feelings of safety and belonging. In the survey of more than 480,000 men and women in the workplace, the majority said there had been no positive change in this area over the last 10 years.

Sometimes the intent of these comments is obviously racism, sexism, homophobia or other forms of prejudice meant to belittle co-workers.

But these condescending comments can also be coming from clueless colleagues. “Condescension in the workplace generally comes from three places ― not being aware of how your communication style impacts others, frustration manifesting itself as passive aggressiveness or a desire to lift oneself up,” said career coach Becca Carnahan.

These are the most frequent offenders of condescending phrases that you might not realize come across as dismissive to someone you work with, experts say:

1. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’

This platitude is “a weak attempt to express empathy” that shuts down conversations, said Tessa West, an associate professor of psychology at New York University and author of “Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them.”

“It ‘ticks the empathy box,’ so to speak. But it feels invalidating at the same time because it doesn’t contain any language signaling that the listener is willing to dive into the source of the emotion being expressed,” West explained. “Plus it’s something parents use on their toddlers when they’re throwing tantrums… and adults don’t like to be treated like